I puked a lego.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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