I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize