You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
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I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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