My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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