I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
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there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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