Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize