You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
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Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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