Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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