when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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