sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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