I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize