walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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