I feel like abortions should bother me more
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
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I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
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I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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