Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
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Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
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I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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