I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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