I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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