Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
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I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
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I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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