Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize