shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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