My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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