i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
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I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
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my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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