i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
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I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
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I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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