He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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