I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
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Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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