i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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