"it" just moved
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
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And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
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In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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