true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
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Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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