I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
