i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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