like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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