I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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