You made me cry and you don't even care
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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