Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize