I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
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it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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