shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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