We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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