Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
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Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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