come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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