ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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