I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
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A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
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all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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