Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
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He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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