I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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