I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize