I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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