I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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