I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
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There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
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My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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