when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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