I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize