Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize