The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
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Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
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